THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
