If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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