So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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