I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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