Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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