I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
