You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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