You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
