ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
