I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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