he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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