why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
