how can u be prego again
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
