I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
