Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
