he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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