i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
