farters have to be the big spoon...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
