i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have post one night stand depression
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