i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
