I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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