He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
