So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
