is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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