I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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