Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
