she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
