You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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