she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize