I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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