I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
