Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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