cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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