Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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