I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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