Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
