I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You can't special order awesome
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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