yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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