she smelled like a LAN party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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