I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize