i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did i walk over a car last night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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