My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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