I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
