I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Blood and glitter go together right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
