in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
