And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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