This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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