If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My liver just had a heart attack.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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