do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
