You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
