I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
