Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We have started to decorate penises.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
