Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
