He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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