there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
