Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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