We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
