now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
