I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
