That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
