I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
