i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
