he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
