You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
