i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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