I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
