i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
